This doesn’t mean God is real.
Nor does it mean things are working out for me because God is real.
What it does mean is God is real no matter what, but sometimes we get a front row seat to the living, breathing proof of that.
I don’t always take my seat near the action. Sometimes I slink around in the back, wallowing in fear, doubt, and self-pity. I know you’ve been there too; we just can’t help ourselves. Sometimes life is too much and it’s so dark we can’t see our hands in front of our faces and all we can remember is every single time things didn’t work out the way we wanted them to, and every single time we felt abandoned and alone, and we never once remember how all those dark times have come and gone but we made it through them all, one way or another. The stress and uncertainty of it all can suck us into the mire, if we let it.
But something special happens when we step out of the way of the one who’s in charge of everything, the one who strides though the stars breathing fire and light and justice and mercy.
Sometimes something happens that’s a little harder to see from the outside looking in. Sometimes we have that good cry (every single night) until we wonder how we could possibly have any tears left. We never have that good talk because our attempts are met with angry accusations or stinging silence. Maybe instead of a free lunch we get a pink slip or a midnight call or a cold shoulder, but in spite of whatever Very Bad Thing comes our way, we feel a strength and a peace that we can’t explain or define or conjure up on our own.
These are the moments are truly life-altering because even though life doesn’t always make sense, and it rarely plays fair, we are still confident we will be okay because the one who strides through the stars breathing fire and light and justice and mercy is calling out our names and singing over us with gladness.
I’m still working through my own Very Bad Thing, and things are working out far better than I hoped they would. But I’m glad I didn’t slink around in the back this time, stumbling through the shadows – at least not for long. I’m glad I put the whole stinking mess into my creator’s hands and trusted that he had my back and would not let me drown in my fear and doubt and self-pity, no matter what.
I think I’ll sit tight here in the front row for a while and
enjoy every minute of the ride.